


DIE FIRST

by CaptainJussac



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 08:03:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20653889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJussac/pseuds/CaptainJussac
Summary: another day in the life of the famous red guard captain and the Cardinal de Richelieu





	DIE FIRST

One day as I was coming back from a one-month mission in Italia, happy to finally be home -because the Palais Cardinal was home to me by then - I greeted my oldest friend Charpentier, the best clerk in the world, with my brightest smile.  
That’s when I saw him staring at me with shock at first, then, gradually, with relief. He sighed, whispering his thanks to the Heavens, and I frowned.  
"Good morning, Denis” I said. “...What's wrong?"  
I couldn't finish my question because of a wild Joseph appearing behind me.

“You! Where have you been?” He asked.... or rather growled. “What took you so long? Do you have any idea what you have done?"

Yes, I knew I was one week late, but since my mission was simply to transport diplomatic treaties to Milan as fast as possible, and I had dealt with it quite rapidly. So I decided to make a detour and find a gift for my Cardinal, something that would make him smile, and forget, maybe, for a little while, the raging war that was destroying Europe all along our frontiers.  
"What's wrong? » I replied, a bit harshly maybe, but their attitude was making me nervous, fear pooling in my stomach. Did something happen while I was away?  
I turned to Charpentier, asking quickly:  
“Armand? Did something happen to Armand?"  
Please God no, not while I was away from him... I can't live without him, I don't want him to die first.  
I don't want to bury him.  
"His Eminence is sick.” Joseph scorned me. “He has worried too much about your little disappearance!"  
"I'm sure Jussac has a good reason to be late!" Denis tried to defend me. Brave Denis but also docile, compliant, long-suffering and almost too shy Denis. He could never last one single round of arguments against a cold-hearted, steel-minded man such as that Capuchin hawk.  
"He diverged from his route!” Joseph barked. “My agents couldn't find him because he was nowhere he was supposed to be! That's suspicious enough for me!”  
I crossed my arms in disbelief. So Joseph sent people after me. That resourceful man had wasted precious time and energy to find me...  
"How is his Eminence?" I insisted, unimpressed. Come on old monk, we both know YOU know I love Armand, and he is more impressive in his furious tempests that you could ever be! I have seen worse. I have faced worse.  
"He is losing his sanity.” Joseph sighed. “He has started spiralled down the second day of you being missing. He’s been impossible to reason with. We did what we could. Even the King sent his Musketeers to find you !"

WHAT? I thought. The King! So it did get far this time!  
"In what state am I going to find him, Joseph?” I asked.  
I was almost a bit scared of his answer, because I could never fight what is inside his mind. I never could stop his own madness within, and sometimes I don't know what to do to make him feel better. Most of the time there is nothing to do but wait, and patience has never been my strength.  
"He’s hallucinating.” Joseph said, staring at me, looking tired, and a bit older. “I had to give him opiates and force-feed him."  
"I will take care of everything!” I claimed, imperative. “Make sure no one else enters his bedroom"  
They both nodded, and I took a deep breath before I head to my most terrifying nightmare.  
I am not scared of his sickness; I don't love him any less for that. I just hate to feel helpless, and watch someone I love suffer; that's all.  
I didn't realise I had arrived in front of his doors until I almost crashed into them. I shook bad thoughts off my head and entered his bedroom with a beating heart. What shocked me first was the darkness...Come on people! You should know by now, he needs sunlight to chase off his demons!  
Then it was the heat, but I really should get used to it. I am going to hell anyway!

I walked slowly to the windows, opening the curtains one by one. It was a foggy, greyish day on Paris. As I turned around to face him, I jumped. Dear God, he was awake and looking in my direction!  
He looked so pale, his eyes burning through me.

"NO...” He started crying. “NOOO not you...please...you can't be one of them...No, you don't have the right...please...mon chat..."  
I froze, not able to move or talk because I didn't understand what he was talking about! Helpless, I couldn't plan any course of action.  
"Mon chat...” He sobbed. “Don't...don't be a ghost..."  
God, he thought I was dead, and that I was coming back to, to, to what? Haunt him?  
"I am so...sorry ...chaton." he whined, reaching out for me with a trembling hand.  
I ran to him, fall on my knees by his bed, took his hand and kissed it with the most passionate devotion I could express.

"Armand, it's me!” I pleaded, lifting his hand to my cheek. “ I am alive, see? I am alive, I am not with them!"  
I had no idea, though, who "them" might exactly be. He was caressing my cheek, and I let him....I let him because I knew he had to realise truth by himself. I couldn't rush him. I knew he needed time to think it through, but I couldn't let his mind wander any further, not in that state.  
"I am the one who is sorry, my Eminence,” I added then, “but...but if I had knew what would happen, I would have rushed back to your side"  
That was true, I would have killed horses galloping to him.  
"Why are you late, François?" he whimpered.  
I shivered. The only man using my first name was the only man making it sound so full of sinful promises  
"I thought I had killed you!" He cried, a single tear rolling on his cheek.  
I leaned over to kiss it, savouring the taste of his pure, unhinged love, and breathing deeply the sadness beaming from his skin. I took his hands in mine and locked my eyes on his. Somehow I knew it helped him keep a foot in reality. Could my eyes be the anchor to your sanity Armand ? I thought fondly.  
"I finished my mission very quickly and very efficiently if you ask me" I grinned, and yes, so did he, a little smile, but a smile nonetheless."But you know that already."  
He nodded.  
"So I decided to make a little detour...and find a little something for you!"  
I think I was blushing like a lovesick girl by then...well, I kind of was a lovesick girl.  
"A gift?" he muttered weakly.  
Oh. So I had his attention, I had picked his curiosity. Do you still see your ghosts, Armand?  
" Yes,” I soothed, offeringg my most charming smile. “Something that you will find useful that will remind you of me.”  
" I always remember you.” He said. “I always will"  
I kissed his lips to distract him, while I retrieved my gift inside my pocket. I pulled out a little plain wood box, then, and laid it in his hands. He looked at it for a while before he asked me to help him on a seated position. I complied. Dear God, he weighted nothing, he surely had shed a few more pounds since I had left him.  
Once sitting, I had to wait a little for his dizziness to pass, holding him tight, but my brave Cardinal eventually took a deep breath and opened the box gracefully. Inside he found fine and delicate deep yellow citrine jewel rosary with a golden medal and a golden cross.

He touched it slowly, caressing the cross, then his attention moved to the medal. I noticed he frowned a bit and smiled. What's wrong, love? You don't recognise him? I watched the gears of his tormented and complicated mind in action, full of questions, but probably not knowing which one to begin with. So I opted for the most obvious one!  
"The ....the medal his Saint Avertin.” I explained. “He is the Patron saint of people suffering from migraines and dizziness...and you see ...well I thought it might help you. You always... You know....I thought a bit of extra help would not hurt....I know it's not much but..."  
I shrugged, because that's true, he needs all the help he can find...and I don't want him to leave me....I don't want him to die first!  
"But the abbey is in Agen,” I added, “so it took me a bit longer to go there and back!"  
He kept inspecting the rosary from every angle.  
"It's beautiful, mon chat" he whispered.  
He probably couldn't talk louder, his voice sounded so rough. When was the last time you had a drink, love?  
"It's perfect.” He sighed, finally looking at me, his eyes shining from having cried too much. “Only you could have thought of a gift so pure, so honest, so full of love"  
He probably had been forced far too much drugs into him, but I saw it there, that light in his eyes, that light he has only for me, that light that means I love you.  
"But it must have cost a fortune?" he pried.  
I knew that he was going to ask me about that at one point! He just has too! He was never rich in his youth, and he had needed to earn every sou he has. And he did, a lot, actually, to make sure he’d never be disgraced by poverty again. So of course, he wondered where I had found so much money!  
" I still have some savings from my inheritance" I offered, which was true, I know I am not particularly thrifty but I am far from poor. “And I have sold my stallion"  
Which was a good idea. Soon the horse would have lost his value, so it was then or never, but it did break my heart.  
"What?” he exclaimed. “No....François...I don't deserve...you love your...zoo"  
He gestured vaguely in the garden direction, and my smile widened.  
" But I love you more.” I let out. “You are my most precious creature that God put in my path"  
He blushed a bit....it was good to see some colours coming back on his gorgeous face.

"I don't deserve you..." He sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "I have stumbled...I thought I had lost you. I yelled at the King and lost my patience with Treville."  
"I know, your Joseph just grumbled it at me. Do you know that all his spies, the Musketeers, the Red Guards, and even the military have been searching for me? None of them found me! Really, they need to improve their research tactics!”  
With that, I got up to find him a glass of fresh water. He must have been thirsty because he drank in in one go. He chuckled a bit, yes, he was starting to be himself again. Did he see his demons leaving the room? Did he notice them running away from me? See Joseph... there was no need to drug him down! It only made his demons angrier!  
"But you are a cat!” He mused. “Cats can be extremely sneaky and quiet, invisible when they want to.”  
He fiddled with the rosary again, kissing it before he placed it around his right wrist.  
“It will never leave me." He promised.  
And I thought I neither would. If my absence pushed him to this state again, alarming the King and Council, it would be better for me to stay.  
"Promise me to too will never leave me " I asked him in a very serious tone as I sat next to him on the bed. “Promises me to never die on me, love"  
He inhaled, deep and fast.  
"I don't want to lose you mon chat" he pleaded, taking my hand in his and kissing it, making the cross on his rosary dance.  
If only he knew that I couldn't live without him either, but he was still frail, and emotionally fragile, so it was better not to push him into another panic attack. So even though it was eating me alive too, I smiled my biggest smile again.  
"Then let's die together Armand!" I chuckled and kissed him deeply.  
He melted into me, so I moved to lay next to him , making sure to have him rest his head on my chest, yes, hear my heart, he is beating for you.  
I saw his hand clutching to his rosary.  
" I love you François"  
" I love you Armand"  
He took a deep breath and in a few minutes he was asleep.  
I loved him so much, I couldn't stand to lose him. That's why I decided that day I’d be the one to die first.  
Not today nor tomorrow. Just, first.


End file.
